sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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