Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
