Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
