So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
