What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
