Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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