I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
