new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize