Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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