Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
