she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize