Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
