please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
COCAINE IS GR8
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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