why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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