I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you still have your period?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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