If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
