You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize