im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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