I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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