I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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