YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What a dumb baby whore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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