Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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