You just made me feel so damn special
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
