I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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