Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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