Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
