dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
