i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
