I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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