yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
