I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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