I seem to have left my pride at pride
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
