dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
