Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
