I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
