I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
