dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize