Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was like eating out sand paper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
