He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
