very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
