fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
