i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
