Buhtt sex?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
