Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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