He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
