you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
