is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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