I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
