Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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