all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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