please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
