I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize