I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
