Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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