But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
