wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
