she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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