My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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