so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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