I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
