wanna go halves on a baby?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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