I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
