I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize