Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
