no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
