I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
