Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
