Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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