Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
