Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
