Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
