I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
