No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
