I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize